


"I don't deserve this, I don't deserve you"

by Jamilton_and_Lams



Series: Angstober 2019 [15]
Category: Mo Dao Zu Shi
Genre: Angry jiang cheng, But his big brother is always here for him, Canon Compliant, Golden core, Jin ling just wants a family, M/M, Post canon, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 18:47:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21040997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamilton_and_Lams/pseuds/Jamilton_and_Lams
Summary: When Jiang Cheng returned to Lotus Pier, he returned with the weight of thousands of souls bearing down on him."Your fault!" They hissed and whispered. "If you had listened, if you had just listened and obeyed that once, instead of trying to prove something (prove what?) - everything could have been different"





	"I don't deserve this, I don't deserve you"

When Jiang Cheng returned to Lotus Pier, he returned with the weight of thousands of souls bearing down on him.

"Your fault!" They hissed and whispered. "If you had listened, if you had just listened and obeyed that once, instead of trying to prove something ( _ prove what? _ ) - everything could have been different"

His golden core was not his.

Everything… everything that had gone wrong… all the death and pain and suffering… from the moment his parents had died and lotus pier burned… it was all his fault.

[He remembers the mountain pass and Wei yings voice behind him - warning him this was his only chance; to not mess up again.] 

If Wei Ying hadn't given up his golden core Wen Chao wouldn't have overpowered him. (He wouldn't have been exhausted after staying awake for 2 nights and a day) 

Wei Ying wouldn't have fallen to the burial mounds and succumbed to demonic cultivation. 

Those 3000 disciples of the sects.

Zixuan.

Yanli… A-Jie… 

(Oh  _ God _ … if he thought about it was more his fault then Wei Ying's that their sister was dead. All he had tried to do was help…)

(And he'd killed him for it.)

He had barley made it to his chambers before he was sick. 

Kneeling in the center of his rooms he cried.

(The disciples steered clear of sect leader Jiang's chambers for the next week. His temper was short and Zidian crackling between his fingers.

They had all heard the rumours anyway.)

***** 

Wei Ying hummed as he skipped along the main pier at Yumnmeng. His eyes are closed and he can  _ smell _ the lotus and pork rip soup shijie use to make… 

He opens his eyes at the sound of his name being called. 

He turns to see Jin Ling running towards him. "A-Ling!" He explains with a grin.

Jin Ling frowns at him. "What are you doing here? If uncle hears…" he glances over his shoulder nervously. 

"I'm here to see him actually. He hasn't been responding to my letters. It's been a month A-Ling. A whole month! He's ignoring his dàgē!" 

He watches in amusement as jin ling rolls his eyes. "It's your funeral."

****

When they arrive in Lotus Pier one of the disciples wordlessly point wei ying in the direction of the training grounds. 

As soon as he steps down he easily sees just how angry (sad? It's hard to tell sometimes.) his brother is. 

"A-Cheng?"

Jiang Cheng spins around unleashing Zidian as he does. The terrifying whip slams down beside him, barely missing him. (He doesn't flinch.) 

"Wei WuXian! I thought i told you never to step foot in Yumnmeng again!? What do you want now?"

Wei Ying shoots him a grin. "I came to see you Didi! You haven't been replying to my letters! You should have known I'd turn up unannounced if the silence conti-"

Wei Ying, who had sauntered over to his brother and swung an arm around his neck, found himself flying through the air and landing on his back.

"Leave. I don't need anything  _ else _ from  _ you _ ."

"A-Cheng?" His tone hesitant, Wei Ying slowly got to his feet. "What-?"

Jiang Cheng stared at him through thinly layered pain and anguish before pointing to his chest. 

" _ This _ . I didn't ask for this. I don't  _ need  _ it… I- I don't  _ deserve  _ this…"

Wei Ying smiled sadly understanding his brother all too well. He walked over and placed his hand on the younger man's shoulder. "You don't need to ask a-Cheng. I'm your older brother. I'll always put you before myself. And you  _ did _ . You would have starved yourself to death or been killed without my-  _ your _ \- core."

He ruffled his brothers hair. "And I'm  _ fine _ . Without it. Anyway, Lan Zhan is helping me strengthen XangYu's core. So everything turned out well enough in the end, yeah?"

Wei Ying reaches and brushes the tears from his brothers cheeks. "I'll always be here for you A-Cheng. Always."

"I don't deserve you! After everything… how can you forgive me? I- I killed you!! You gave up everything for me and i turned around and killed you for it!"

Wei Ying just smiles as he pulls his brother close. "You have the rest of our lives to make it up to me didi. Don't you worry bout a thing"

*****

Jin ling moves from where he was crouched. There's a small smile playing at his lips and the family shaped hole in his heart starts to heal

**Author's Note:**

> Not as angsty as i wanted and the end is too fluffy for my tastes
> 
> Come scream at me on twitter!  
https://twitter.com/bi_revolutionar


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